I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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