You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
