and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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