Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
