y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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