from now on my penis is your penis
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
