Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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