need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
and she was petting her beer can
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I have tasted many bathrooms
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
