maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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