I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
