At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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