Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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