she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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