My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize