Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
