Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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