just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
