Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
