Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
