Is it normal to miss your booty call?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
