so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize