Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
