Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
what day is it and did you see me today?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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