I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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