so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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