I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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