I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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