I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
it was like eating out sand paper
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
