He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
i think my cat just said my name.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
