NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
