She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
