I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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