Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
