Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
two words: eviction party
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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