Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
