Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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