new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
