I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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