I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
