On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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