I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
