just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
