I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
