Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
