i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
