Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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