If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize