Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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