who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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