my soul wont recognize me after tonight
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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