I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
