Pants 0. Shit 1.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
