She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize