If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
