Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
