Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
