I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
