all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
