OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
