Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
