Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
