they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
