i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
