Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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