I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize